Browsing Toys and Memories

Hello blog readers.

Yesterday Neveah (my 1.5 year old daughter) and I went to Wal-Mart. I needed to get my prescription but because we rode the bus I decided that I was going to make the trip more worthwhile by browsing. Neveah fell asleep at this point though. I went to the Crafts section and around the Sports one as well and of course through the Toys and Baby area. As I was browsing through the toys though I saw toys that would catch bugs. One of them was a bug vacuum! It was small, shaped like a gun of sorts and you could,obviously, vacuum up the bugs into a container that screwed to it on the bottom. When I was younger I liked to catch bugs so that would’ve came in handy! Of course, now I’m afraid of most bugs. Go figure. I also saw rollerblades.

Browsing these toys and crafts, it made me think back to when I was a kid. When I was younger my family and I would rollerblade, at least that’s what I remember. That was one physical activity that we did as a family. We also played monopoly.  I want us to do these things as a family. It doesn’t have to be the exact same thing, of course, just physical activities outside and board games. I don’t want her to be stuck inside all day watching tele or playing games. I want to do arts and crafts with her and have little dance parties. I want to do so much with her, for her. I’m just so excited but at the same time a little nervous. What if when she gets older she doesn’t want to do arts and crafts or board games with me. I know at some point she’ll be that teenager that doesn’t want her mom always hanging around. But still, that isn’t for a while – I hope. I can’t wait till she gets older and we can do more things together.

For now, I have to make it a point to do things one-on-one with her that stimulates her brain and senses. Perhaps finger painting! Although that’s a big mess I’m not looking forward to cleaning up. I’m not sure what else. Perhaps put aside a half hour of reading and some time to play with her with the blocks we have for her. I don’t do that often enough. I really don’t do it at all, play with her blocks with her. I really should. Charles and I both. But I know he is tired from work and wants to relax and do his thing. That’s how I am after work on the weekends lol.

Hey, anyone that is reading this, you got tips for me or ideas that is simple cheap (or free, cause who doesn’t love free) then feel free to share! 😀 I’m a new mom and I’ll take what I can get.

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Bedtime Routine

So it’s almost 10 o’clock at night here, I’m sitting in my dark living room after I just put my daughter to sleep. Her sleep routine I’m trying to stick to is that we brush our teeth before we go “night night”. I heard it’s good to have a before bed routine and some parents read bedtime stories to their young children, some say prayers, and others may not even have a routine for their toddler but ours is to brush our teeth. I figure it’s a good habit to get into. My boyfriend (her father) said I should start getting her to brush her teeth now, because it is a good habit even though he doesn’t always stick to it – neither do I but I do it more often.

The first time I actually brought her into the bathroom to brush her teeth, I had sat her on the bathroom counter by the sink so it’d be easier to watch her and she wouldn’t be tempted to wonder off. She really likes her toothbrush, probably because it’s very chewable and she is also teething now so… yeah. It’s one of those toothbrushes that are really gummy like with soft bristles (more like small bumps) on both sides and the toothpaste is a non-fluoride one that tastes like something sweet that I can’t remember. Anyway, the first time we brushed our teeth and I was repeating in a sing-song voice “brush brush brush brush brush brush our teeth” but with more pauses between the brush part. It doesn’t sound as tiring as it looks, I think. She was enjoying it. She tried to make the same motions as me and would occasionally just suck and chew on it. Hey, she was trying. But, when it came to put the toothbrush away you could say she was… more than reluctant to do so, so to get her distracted from losing the toothbrush, I held her up and looked at the mirror and pointed to my teeth and said “clean teeth, you have clean teeth”. She smiled, pointed to her teeth. Ever since, that’s how the teeth brushing goes. It still works to distract her from wanting the toothbrush back, thankfully.

Putting her to bed, though, that’s a different story. I say it’s night-night time and turn off the light (sometimes turning on her butterfly that is a night light basically [that her aunt Hannah, my dad’s kid who is now 4 years old, got for her her first christmas]) and turn on her pink dog. So, all the grandparents know the pink dog is nice to have when trying to put her to sleep. She’s had it since her first Christmas. Her uncle Matthew (my dad’s kid, about 8 years old now I think) got it for her. We actually got her the blue dog version for her on her first Christmas too but since the dog was pink and she was a girl…. Yeah, I know. That’s stereotyping genders, but that has been her dog that helps her go to sleep. I’m sure if we used the blue dog (which is now in my mom’s possession because she wanted the dog at her house so she didn’t have to ask for the pink dog) she would go to sleep with it. There’s not much difference between the two besides the different colors and the slight difference in the voice when it talks (but not when it sings). Back to the bedtime routine…

I put her in her bed (which is a pack-n-play) and sit on this orange tiger stool (it has the colors, a tail and the feet are, well, feet of a tiger) next to her and stay there till she falls asleep. Sometimes I’ll pat her butt (like I use to do to her when she was a baby baby) and others I just sit there and watch her. This can take up to an hour. It can be tiring, especially if I am really tired myself. I would like to break her of the habit of having me there until she falls asleep but I’m not sure how. I could just say my good nights and put her in bed, stay a little, then walk out but then she’ll cry and I’ll feel really bad. I have a feeling my boyfriend would be OK with that, because in the end she’ll get use to it but I don’t want to hear her cry for long periods of time because she’s use to me being there. So, yeah, thats the routine of the night. Although sometimes she does fall asleep in the living room with me. I usually just have to gently put her in her bed, make sure she doesn’t wake up, and walk out.

When she gets older, I’m sure the routine will change a bit. Maybe there’ll be story time before then or maybe her dad will want to start praying… I’m not sure, but we’ll see when we get there. I just know I’m doing something partly right for having some kind of routine, even if it isn’t followed a 100% or there isn’t a set time for it. Routines are good, even if it’s not a perfect set one.

Wyatt Let Me Forgive

When Wyatt was diagnosed with Trisomy 13, so many things went through my mind. As time progressed I tried my best to remain calm, so the stress wouldn’t get to him. I think in a way I forgave some of those people in my past that hurt me so badly because life was too short to keep those grudges. You ever forgive someone, I mean truly forgive someone? Some people (especially those in the wrong that wants forgiveness) think that once you forgive something that things are back to normal, or OK but that’s not the case at all. When you forgive someone (at least for me) things don’t go back to normal and it doesn’t make you want to talk to that person again. It just means you have forgiven them for causing the pain that they did and when you ever think of them you don’t automatically feel pain or hate. They are just a person in your past.

Unless, of course, you do keep on talking to that person. For example, someone in your family (or your significant other) did something that hurt. You may want to continue talking to that person but that doesn’t mean you forgave them what they did. It means, you want to try to forgive them later, perhaps not right now. There are so many things that can be forgiven, if you truly want to and not that you’re pushed into it. But, keep in mind, that there are some things that cannot be forgiven, ever.

Anyway, after everything that happened with Wyatt I wanted to forgive people. I didn’t want that grudge with me any longer. It put a darkness in me, a depression and anger that I did not want to own anymore. I didn’t consciously tell myself I’m going to forgive so and so, but instead when I thought about that person (or people) I found that I didn’t feel that grudge any longer.

With an event like losing something precious to you, I think it can change you in good or bad ways. Sometimes even both. With Wyatt, it changed me in a good way. I mean, I try to do even more with Neveah (not that I didn’t before) and I appreciate life a little bit more. I now know what it feels like to lose a child, so those that have had miscarriages or lost a child I can relate and perhaps even help instead of feeling totally helpless. Whether that is a bold notion or not, I’m not sure but I find it true.

My baby boy, Wyatt, had taught me a lot and may still be teaching me things. I miss him so. ❤