When Wyatt was diagnosed with Trisomy 13, so many things went through my mind. As time progressed I tried my best to remain calm, so the stress wouldn’t get to him. I think in a way I forgave some of those people in my past that hurt me so badly because life was too short to keep those grudges. You ever forgive someone, I mean truly forgive someone? Some people (especially those in the wrong that wants forgiveness) think that once you forgive something that things are back to normal, or OK but that’s not the case at all. When you forgive someone (at least for me) things don’t go back to normal and it doesn’t make you want to talk to that person again. It just means you have forgiven them for causing the pain that they did and when you ever think of them you don’t automatically feel pain or hate. They are just a person in your past.
Unless, of course, you do keep on talking to that person. For example, someone in your family (or your significant other) did something that hurt. You may want to continue talking to that person but that doesn’t mean you forgave them what they did. It means, you want to try to forgive them later, perhaps not right now. There are so many things that can be forgiven, if you truly want to and not that you’re pushed into it. But, keep in mind, that there are some things that cannot be forgiven, ever.
Anyway, after everything that happened with Wyatt I wanted to forgive people. I didn’t want that grudge with me any longer. It put a darkness in me, a depression and anger that I did not want to own anymore. I didn’t consciously tell myself I’m going to forgive so and so, but instead when I thought about that person (or people) I found that I didn’t feel that grudge any longer.
With an event like losing something precious to you, I think it can change you in good or bad ways. Sometimes even both. With Wyatt, it changed me in a good way. I mean, I try to do even more with Neveah (not that I didn’t before) and I appreciate life a little bit more. I now know what it feels like to lose a child, so those that have had miscarriages or lost a child I can relate and perhaps even help instead of feeling totally helpless. Whether that is a bold notion or not, I’m not sure but I find it true.
My baby boy, Wyatt, had taught me a lot and may still be teaching me things. I miss him so. ❤