My daughter is going to be two in October. My son would have been one in December. I don’t know if we’ll do anything for his birthday. I mean, shouldn’t we? But what? He is gone from this Earth. It hurts to say. It feels harsh to say it like that but it is true. I’m not sure what we would do. For our daughter, we’ll do a birthday as usual. Not sure where but we already bought her birthday gifts.
I was, well both Charles and I were hoping that our daughter would be potty trained by two years old. She is not. She knows to sit on the toilet when we go to the bathroom, to wipe, and throw it into the toilet and flush. She hasn’t yet actually sat on the toilet and went pee or poop. I think this is my fault that she is not potty trained yet. I only take her to the bathroom when I need to pee or when she needs to be changed. In reality, it probably should be more often. Maybe every two hours. I was going to do that but I forget throughout the day. I guess I should set alarms for such a thing.
Raising a child is no easy task.
I read an article online talking that if you do something for your child because it is more easy than letting them do it causes more harm than good. For example, instead of waiting for your child to clean up their mess you do it for them. That’s a no-no. Makes sense. If she makes a mess, it sits there till I clean it up when she’s fast asleep in bed. I’m trying not to do that anymore. When it’s time for bed, I get her to clean up her mess with a little song of let’s clean, time to clean… or something. I’ll remember the song when it’s time to actually clean up. My teacher for motherhood classes actually sung that when it was time to leave and Neveah had to clean up the toys she was playing with. It worked, so I started doing it.
I remind myself that being a parent, raising a child is not meant to be easy. It can be hard, sometimes heartbreaking, but certainly rewarding. That’s why I would read books to her even before she could sit up because I read that it would help with development. I still read books to hear. She’ll bring a book up to me to read and I’ll read it, but sometimes I don’t get through it because she gets distracted and wanders off. But, that’s what kids do. They get distracted easily and sometimes you gotta do things in doses.
I’m still adjusting to having a child, I’ll admit. We listen to a lot of music on youtube (yay smartTV) and when I have to clean or want a little time for myself without her constantly wanting me to set her on my lap I put on some kid-friendly learning videos on youtube. I know, I know tv time isn’t the best. We dance too, lol. We also go into her room and play. She likes to put me to ‘night night’. It’s amazing how much she soaks up. When I put her to bed, I lay her in her bed and when she tries to get and play I gently push her back down and tell her it’s time to go night night. She does the same to me when I try to sit up. She tells me ‘night night!’ and tries to push my head down to the ground or pillow. Yesterday, she tried to actually pick me up by putting her little hand underneath my leg and my back. Didn’t work of course, but I was delightfully surprised – I guess you could say.
I gotta work on disciplining her. I see a pattern of her not listening to me and I don’t like it. You see, I let things slip and only raise my voice after I’ve said something a few times. Sometimes she’ll listen to me, sometimes she’ll ignore me until I’m walking over there and dragging her away from whatever she was doing wrong. I just don’t like to hear her high pitched crying (but what parent does?) so I try to avoid making that happen (sometimes without even thinking). But I need to her to listen to me, not only because it’ll keep me losing my temper but also cause if we’re somewhere where she could get hurt (like by a busy road in a park) I need to her to listen to me. There are other reasons of course, but you know those.
Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing my best as a mother, but I’m sure a lot of others feel the same way. Sometimes I just don’t want to do anything so we don’t really do anything. I get tired, despite being a stay-at-home mom. But, I try to interact with her and teach her. I’m still adjusting, I suppose. But raising a child isn’t suppose to be easy. If it’s easy, I think you might be doing something wrong. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is easy, for those few minutes, but most of the time you gotta, you know, try at it.
I’m still trying and I will always be trying and bettering myself as a parent. I’m not ready for the years to come when she is a pre-teen or even when she’s four years old but I’ll always be trying as a parent. Sometimes all we can say is that we’ll try because we don’t have the experience of being a parent. You know?