The Little Being and The Protector’s Journey

Once upon a time there was a little being who was smaller than a finger that changed everything. It was too soon to tell just how everything would turn out. The little being was in secret for a while growing a little bit bigger each day until one day a test was given and the surprise was revealed!

Oh, the protector of it was definitely surprised. There was no doubt. Well, actually there was doubt. The protector was still too young, not enough experience and so many things yet not done! She wasn’t sure she wanted the responsibility. Could she be enough for this little being? How would she measure up? So many fears, she was so close to not being the protector. To extinguish this life that had chosen her.

Lying on a medical chair, the ultrasound wand moving around, she saw it for the first time. There it was, so tiny it was amazing the being could cause her to feel so sick at times and create many emotions. Then came the sound of life, so fast but it proved the being was alive. Her own life beat skipped and she knew in that very moment that she could not, would not give up the little being. It was now unthinkable. Unimaginable. Impossible.

Then came the responsibilities of being the protector. She wanted to be the best. She cut out most junk food and drinks. Her and her partner that would be the other protector prepared for the little beings arrival. It wasn’t for a while till the being would but that was perfect. There was many things to be done.

Over time new goals were set. New things were done. Instead of there being so many things that were not done, there were so many things yet to be done! The first feeding, first hug or kiss and even before that the first ever gender revealing for the protector of a little being! Excitement was there but anxiety still hovered in the back.

Between the heart burn and a ridiculously sensitive gag reflex the little being flourished. The little being grew until the protector looked like she hid a balloon underneath her shirt. It grew until bending down was near impossible and the protector just wanted to pop! Yet throughout all of this, the little flutters that grew into jabs and rolls are what she always, ALWAYS looked forward to. She already fell in love with the little being.

Then the time came. The doctor set a time to help the little being to come without waiting for the pain and last minute counting between waves. It was almost too late, where it was more morning than night. But a bag was already prepped for just this occasion. Off the protectors went to the hospital.

There were greetings from their own protectors and a little waiting till it was time to sign in. The protector, with the little being inside, hands shook from being nervous. She felt a little sick. This was really happening. Soon she would be aching for hours then the little being she treasured would finally be able to be touched and kissed and cuddled.

The two protectors were led to a room, given the low down what was to happen and how. A medicine was inserted into her and now it was the waiting game. It took hours into the water bag was popped then even more hours until she gave in and asked for pain relief. You guessed it, even more hours until a nurse came in and said it was time to push.

And push she did! Despite her fear of losing bowel movements and of bunches appearing down below, she pushed with all she could with her partner right by her side entire time, their protectors outside waiting for the news of the arrival of the little being. The doctor came in, mentioned the crowning and said to push even more. How was that possible? The protector thought but did it. Despite the pain relief, it still hurt. Suddenly, there was a tugging then relief. The little being was out!

Still a second thing had to come out. It wasn’t as big, but the doctor wanted to sew before it came out. Felt so uncomfortable, not painful just uncomfortable. She needed it out. Finally it came out but something was wrong. The doctor started to do something that made her hurt like none other. A pain never, ever felt before. One that made the protector sink her nails into her partner’s hand, leaving moon sized marks

The doctor was scooping out red liquid. The pain was unbelievable. They tried to sooth her with the little being, a beautiful and white but surprisingly heavy girl on her chest but she just couldn’t pay enough attention to hold her as she had wished. Another nurse stated she was going to inject the protector with a clotting medicine. Losing too much precious life liquid. The protector started to beg them to stop. She couldn’t stand it any longer. Just stop! It hurt too much! Stop!

Then it stopped. The doctor said he still needed to stitch. The protector just nodded. She realized she was shaking and couldn’t stop. The doctor finished and left. The nurse asked if she wanted the protectors outside to come in and she could only nod. The nursed hoped that it would calm her down.

In the protectors came, most went to check on the little girl but one came over. She still couldn’t stop, even though she tried. The protector on the medical bed broke into tears. Her father protector tried calming her then her mother protector came next. Soon the protector calmed in the presence of her own protectors. Ice chips were given to her. She took her little girl in her arms eventually, when she wasn’t constantly dizzy from blood lost and her baby wasn’t under a sun light.

Once upon a time a little being changed everything and now she is the world to her protectors.


Introductions Are In Order! :D

I’m a young mommy with a beautiful daughter (a little over a year) and a son followed soon after but sadly he passed away in Decemeber 2014. He had Trisomy 13. It is certain that I will write all about our baby boy Wyatt. Currently, I am a part-time worker at Wendy’s and mostly a stay-at-home mom. My boyfriend is Charles, he is amazing and although our bundles of joy were a surprise (certainly not a mistake or accident) I know he is enjoying fatherhood just as much as I am enjoying motherhood.

I made this blog because I became inspired by seeing other blogs that mothers made. I was also inspired by my own thoughts, thinking about all that I have been through losing my second child and raising our daughter. I hope this blog will one day become what other blogs I’ve read by mothers became: funny, informative, and very relateable.

My name is Tamra by the way and welcome to my blog about finding myself as a mommy and a person.

My little family. <3 My little family. ❤