Growing Up So Fast!

Neveah is growing up so fast it seems. If she wasn’t growing up, though, that’d be a cause for alert. I did this thing where I tell her to listen, putting my fingers behind my ear. She does that sometimes now. It’s so cute! She also says goodnight pretty clearly. She is saying sentences already. Oh, get this, she learned how to open doors. I’m pretty sure she figured out how to get out of her play pin that is her bed. I say this because I put her in her bed once because she was misbehaving and next thing you know I heard a sound and glance over and see her. She’s just smiling wide, being as cute as can be and here I am wondering… how? She has not done it since though.

I’ve got this idea, taking the beans (dry beans) that we never use and using them. I mean, put them in this bucket thing we got and let her use her shovel and scoop them into the smaller bucket. Sounds like fun, well for her. I’m not sure how exactly to make that more educational… I’m sure there’s a way but I’m just not coming up with something. Any ideas folks?

I’m still trying to potty train her. She doesn’t always like to come to the bathroom and sit on her toilet. She’ll ‘like’ doing it if she has something to distract her like her tablet. She has yet to go pee or poop into it. I’m still waiting for that shining moment. I feel like I should just move onto underwear already. I just see many messes coming from that… omg. I just want to wait till she DOES goes pee or poop into it so I can be like all excited and reward her with this chart thing I have and stickers and maybe she’ll be more… willing to sit on it.

We still got a bedtime routine going. It’ll be time for bed, it either goes with telling daddy goodnight, brush teeth, change into ‘nighty night’ diaper and then lay down or she tells her daddy goodnight after she brushes her teeth. It’s to the point where I’ll say night night time, she’ll go to the bathroom knowing what to do next. Course, sometimes she’ll hear me say that and go over to her dad, kind of hang around him pretending to say goodnight when she really doesn’t want to go to sleep.

Ah. Children.

It’s all about patience and being willing to spend your time and effort into educational stuff and not just let them be entertained by television. To play with them and give them what they need but not what they always want.

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Raising a Child Isn’t Suppose to Be Easy

My daughter is going to be two in October. My son would have been one in December. I don’t know if we’ll do anything for his birthday. I mean, shouldn’t we? But what? He is gone from this Earth. It hurts to say. It feels harsh to say it like that but it is true. I’m not sure what we would do. For our daughter, we’ll do a birthday as usual. Not sure where but we already bought her birthday gifts.

I was, well both Charles and I were hoping that our daughter would be potty trained by two years old. She is not. She knows to sit on the toilet when we go to the bathroom, to wipe, and throw it into the toilet and flush. She hasn’t yet actually sat on the toilet and went pee or poop. I think this is my fault that she is not potty trained yet. I only take her to the bathroom when I need to pee or when she needs to be changed. In reality, it probably should be more often. Maybe every two hours. I was going to do that but I forget throughout the day. I guess I should set alarms for such a thing.

Raising a child is no easy task.

I read an article online talking that if you do something for your child because it is more easy than letting them do it causes more harm than good. For example, instead of waiting for your child to clean up their mess you do it for them. That’s a no-no. Makes sense. If she makes a mess, it sits there till I clean it up when she’s fast asleep in bed. I’m trying not to do that anymore. When it’s time for bed, I get her to clean up her mess with a little song of let’s clean, time to clean… or something. I’ll remember the song when it’s time to actually clean up. My teacher for motherhood classes actually sung that when it was time to leave and Neveah had to clean up the toys she was playing with. It worked, so I started doing it.

I remind myself that being a parent, raising a child is not meant to be easy. It can be hard, sometimes heartbreaking, but certainly rewarding. That’s why I would read books to her even before she could sit up because I read that it would help with development. I still read books to hear. She’ll bring a book up to me to read and I’ll read it, but sometimes I don’t get through it because she gets distracted and wanders off. But, that’s what kids do. They get distracted easily and sometimes you gotta do things in doses.

I’m still adjusting to having a child, I’ll admit. We listen to a lot of music on youtube (yay smartTV) and when I have to clean or want a little time for myself without her constantly wanting me to set her on my lap I put on some kid-friendly learning videos on youtube. I know, I know tv time isn’t the best. We dance too, lol. We also go into her room and play. She likes to put me to ‘night night’. It’s amazing how much she soaks up. When I put her to bed, I lay her in her bed and when she tries to get and play I gently push her back down and tell her it’s time to go night night. She does the same to me when I try to sit up. She tells me ‘night night!’ and tries to push my head down to the ground or pillow. Yesterday, she tried to actually pick me up by putting her little hand underneath my leg and my back. Didn’t work of course, but I was delightfully surprised – I guess you could say.

I gotta work on disciplining her. I see a pattern of her not listening to me and I don’t like it. You see, I let things slip and only raise my voice after I’ve said something a few times. Sometimes she’ll listen to me, sometimes she’ll ignore me until I’m walking over there and dragging her away from whatever she was doing wrong. I just don’t like to hear her high pitched crying (but what parent does?) so I try to avoid making that happen (sometimes without even thinking). But I need to her to listen to me, not only because it’ll keep me losing my temper but also cause if we’re somewhere where she could get hurt (like by a busy road in a park) I need to her to listen to me. There are other reasons of course, but you know those.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing my best as a mother, but I’m sure a lot of others feel the same way. Sometimes I just don’t want to do anything so we don’t really do anything. I get tired, despite being a stay-at-home mom. But, I try to interact with her and teach her. I’m still adjusting, I suppose. But raising a child isn’t suppose to be easy. If it’s easy, I think you might be doing something wrong. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is easy, for those few minutes, but most of the time you gotta, you know, try at it.

I’m still trying and I will always be trying and bettering myself as a parent. I’m not ready for the years to come when she is a pre-teen or even when she’s four years old but I’ll always be trying as a parent. Sometimes all we can say is that we’ll try because we don’t have the experience of being a parent. You know?

The Feeling of Being a Parent

It seems I only find the time to write on here either during work breaks or late at night, when I should be in bed with my boyfriend trying to fall asleep – like now. It’s late at night. I tried doing an entry last weekend, during a work break, but ended up accidently deleting such post and gave up on trying to re-do it lol. But it still published onto my Facebook and showed the first paragraph. So, there, I guess, done. Anyway…

I just put my daughter to sleep. She still ended up crying a little after I left the room. She has been doing that more often. I try to put her to sleep, she looks deep asleep, I leave the room (closing the door quietly) and then I hear her cry. I leave her be for a little to see if she’ll just fall back to asleep, usually she does so after a few minutes or so. Guiltily, I have not been keeping to her routine of getting ready for bed around eight. You see, my boyfriend and I watch these shows together and they keep playing and I forget about the time or say “just one more and I’ll put her to sleep” and one becomes a few. I’ve been trying to get back on track because I realize that a routine for her is a good thing. I just wish I could actually get up earlier, because she seems to get up earlier than I and just sits in her play pen (her bed) and plays with the stuff animals that are there with her. Lucky me. If she just cried, I would be forced to end my in and out sleep. She sometimes can be heard awake six o’clock in the morning. Eep.

So, tonight I sat on that tiger stool I use (as uncomfortable as it can be) with her butterfly night light displaying red stars and the occasionally moon on the ceiling and watched her sleep. I stroked her hair gently and all the love and care I have for her came to me. I’m not sure how to explain it but I am going to try. This feeling of knowing I love her unconditionally and so much that I would sacrifice myself for her in a heartbeat, no questions asked and no regrets at all… it is just a different kind of love than any other. She happens to be my heart, if that makes sense. I would like to think any other parent would understand, lol. It is such a strong emotion when I think about it that it almost made me shed a few tears. I love her so much. You don’t quite understand what it feels like to be a parent, no amount of explaining will do, until you are one. That is the truth, whether a repeated one or not.

Of course, I love my son just as much. I find it hard to explain it. He is not here. People can say he is in my heart or in the Heavens but the thing is that he is not here physically. I cannot hold him or kiss him. I find it hard to say and I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me when I say this but sometimes it hurts to think of how much I love him. I do. I love him so much, just as much as Neveah but unlike Neveah that love and care that I want to give him, show him, I cannot. I can’t hold him anymore and tell him how much I love him and how handsome he is or cuddle him. And it hurts.

Sometimes I’m taken by surprise how much it still hurts to feel the loss of my son. I guess I shouldn’t be. I know it’ll never really go away, the pain of losing him. I know that without Neveah I would be an utter mess. I’m sure of it. I would break down more often and I don’t think I’d be able to understand how to deal with the pain. I’m still not even sure how to deal with it, to be honest. But with Neveah, I feel I have to be strong for her and along with that for my boyfriend.

But to that feeling of being a parent… it is really indescribable. No matter how much I describe it it won’t do the feeling justice. I love my children so much, it’s a feeling in my chest like no other and it puts a smile on my face, also frown marks lol but it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Sewing More Than Ever & No-Sew

I have done more sewing now than I have ever done. My daughter received hand me downs from different people and some of them needed to be repaired. For example, she received a really cute pink one-piece shorts that had yellow polka dots but it only had one shoulder covering. I thought that was how it came but still decided to sew on a ribbon to be the other shoulder strap. I found out that it did have a shoulder strap there it must have just ripped off.

I also sewed on some buttons onto my boyfriend’s shirts he had bought but were missing some. They were button down shirts but he liked them a lot. I plan on sewing some blankets of Neveah’s that have holes in them. I still have to sew on another one-piece short outfit she got that the hole for where the button would go for the strap is about to rip.

But it hasn’t been all about just sewing. I finally finished crocheting something to go around out silverware holder because the spoons kept spilling out of the sides. I made it a tad bit too small though so it was hard putting on but still seemed to do the trick lol. I also finally cut up an old t-shirt to make it better. I saw lots of ideas mentioning no-sew ways to make a t-shirt look better. I tried two ways. I only have pictures of one way because the other way turned out pretty bad. I think I needed a bigger t-shirt to do it. I cut the t-shirt all the way down one side and cut slits to tie off the side (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/464715255276618216/). It didn’t turn out right for me. The other way was pretty cute though. I’m not fond of the logo because I’m not into watching sports but still, cute. Pictures below.

Front view.

Front view.

Sleeve view.

Sleeve view.

Back view.

Back view.

You see, this was pretty easy. I’ll give the link to the pinterest post I got inspired by. I just cut the sleeves as an extra to look a little better. It also fits more comfortably lol.

Best. Anniversary. Ever.

I am so tired.

I think I am so tired now because last Saturday I stayed up later than I usually do and I still had to work the next day. Last Saturday my wonderful boyfriend planned to celebrate our fourth anniversary. I already given him my anniversary gift (and he loved it). Inside a bag I put some of his favorite things such as: six pack of bottle corona with some beer salt, beef jerky, tiny Dr. Pepper eight pack cans, x-large kit-kat bar, two cans of vienna wiener things, and lots of cookies n cream kisses. There was also Open When… envelopes. See picture below.

charles anniversary gift from me to him

charles anniversary gift from me to him

But, anyway, back to last Saturday night… He wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant but found all the really fancy ones would cost $200-300. He later told me he was looking up five star restaurants online, which is where he got the prices from. Instead, he asked me to choose a restaurant. My go-to one is Applebees cause I absolutely love that place, partly because I went there with my family more than a few times. I’m gonna assume he was tired of Applebee’s and wanted something new. I thought about all the restaurants that I could think of (which wasn’t a lot) and thought of the Cheesecake Factory. I’ve never went there, I’ve heard about it… kind of. So, I looked it up online and the nearest location to us and off we went.

The location was in what I call fancyville. We parked and headed to the restaurant. I was so excited. New restaurant after all. We had to go through a rotating door… a real rotating door that spins. Yeah, I was excited about that. Inside was dim and there was a counter up ahead that was curved and three people. We were shown to our table, by the bar and what looked like candles on the tables (later on we found out they were totally fake). It was cozy, more or less, though I kind of wished the lighting was a bit more lol. Our ‘view’ was of the bar. It was a nice bar. Picture below.

bar 'view'

bar ‘view’

Onwards to the service! First off, our waiter was terrific. I asked questions basically about everything on the menu I was interested in. He was patient and when he didn’t know exactly how to explain something he went to the chef and came back. He interacted with us but didn’t hover. Great watier. We gave him a pretty good big ($20) because that’s how good a waiter he was to us. Wonderful.

The drinks, of course, come first. I wanted a smoothie but was going to get a soda cause they were free refills then Charles, my awesome boyfriend, told me I could have both. Yay! I feel almost spoiled. Course if I realized how big the cups were I would’ve just gotten the smoothie. I’ve never seen cups in a nice restaurant so big! I got a root beer and tropical smoothie. See below.

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Now to the best part: the food! Our waiter brought complimentary bread. Now, the dark brown bread had like a sweet taste and was awesome. We ate that up. The other bread though, I really didn’t like. It tasted gross to me but Charles seemed to enjoy it, or at least tolerate it. He kept saying there was something familiar about it and kept on tasting it. Later, he told me he thinks it was cause it tasted like sourdough. I don’t like sourdough so… yeah. But that other bread, I could eat all day long. So yum. Came with butters that looked like those little Andres mints. See below. You can also see the fake candle, lol.

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Onward to the appetizer. We had fried mac n’ cheese with marinara sauce. Let me tell you think, it was amazing! We both loved it. CHarles said that it ‘popped’ into his mouth. With the little marinara sauce and the mac n’ cheese and balled up, yums! Would love to have this again. The balls could fit into my palm. They were pretty good size. Picture below of the awesomeness.

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Then came the entrees. There was so much to choose from (and so expensive). I wanted steak. I always want steak though. I wanted something else as well. I couldn’t decide! Then I saw the section where you can get steak AND something else. There were like five choices but you could mix them up. I was interested in the shrimp scampi and steak diane one. But, what was steak diane? How did it differ than the other steaks? His explanation was that it was a medallion cut which is basically steak cut up in like round pieces and cooked separately. I then asked what scampi was. He explained that it was a creamy lemon sauce. Nothing like cocktail sauce. Yay for me. I didn’t like cocktail sauce anyway. I also had my choice of sides but just choose the side that would come with it which was mash potatoes.

So, here comes the tasting. I liked the shrimp but felt it could be better. The mash potatoes were good, had like pieces of the skin in it but that’s not that bad taste of the skin. The steak was disappointing. I was expecting great but it was just OK. The seasoning on the outside was good but eating the whole thing, I felt like it needed steak sauce. I was comparing the steak to the Texas Steakhouse we went to a long time ago where their steak was amazing. Didn’t need any steak sauce. Next time I go, and I will sometime, I’ll get the other steak that isn’t medallion sized. Overall, the meal was good but perhaps not worth the price it stated. Don’t get me the wrong the portions were good. I’d go back. Picture below.

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Now to Charles meal. He choose a mushroom burger and meatballs as his sides. He seemed to like them both. I tried some of the meatball, it wasn’t bad but I can’t remember the taste all that well. But, I only had a tiny bit. I don’t like mushrooms so I definitely wasn’t going to try that. Picture below.

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Finally the desserts. It’s the Cheesecake factory afterall, so there were tons of choices of cheesecakes! I wasn’t sure what I wanted and asked a few questions to the waiter and then finally decided. I was torn between the raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake or the lemon and raspberry cheesecake. I choose the later cause he said the former was really sweet and I didn’t really want a lot of sweet. It was good but I kind of wished I had gotten the former. Charles got the classic strawberry cheesecake. I didn’t try it. He loves his cheesecake and didn’t wanna share lol. But the portions, man, the portions was awesome. See below.

top is strawberry, bottom is raspberry

top is strawberry, bottom is raspberry

Afterwards we went to the movies and watched the Avengers: Age of Ultron in 3D. It was awesome! Loved it.

I know, this is my longest blog yet, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure how to shorten but overall loved my anniversary celebration. 😀 Definitely check out the Cheesecake Factory at least once and see the new Avengers movie! ❤

Browsing Toys and Memories

Hello blog readers.

Yesterday Neveah (my 1.5 year old daughter) and I went to Wal-Mart. I needed to get my prescription but because we rode the bus I decided that I was going to make the trip more worthwhile by browsing. Neveah fell asleep at this point though. I went to the Crafts section and around the Sports one as well and of course through the Toys and Baby area. As I was browsing through the toys though I saw toys that would catch bugs. One of them was a bug vacuum! It was small, shaped like a gun of sorts and you could,obviously, vacuum up the bugs into a container that screwed to it on the bottom. When I was younger I liked to catch bugs so that would’ve came in handy! Of course, now I’m afraid of most bugs. Go figure. I also saw rollerblades.

Browsing these toys and crafts, it made me think back to when I was a kid. When I was younger my family and I would rollerblade, at least that’s what I remember. That was one physical activity that we did as a family. We also played monopoly.  I want us to do these things as a family. It doesn’t have to be the exact same thing, of course, just physical activities outside and board games. I don’t want her to be stuck inside all day watching tele or playing games. I want to do arts and crafts with her and have little dance parties. I want to do so much with her, for her. I’m just so excited but at the same time a little nervous. What if when she gets older she doesn’t want to do arts and crafts or board games with me. I know at some point she’ll be that teenager that doesn’t want her mom always hanging around. But still, that isn’t for a while – I hope. I can’t wait till she gets older and we can do more things together.

For now, I have to make it a point to do things one-on-one with her that stimulates her brain and senses. Perhaps finger painting! Although that’s a big mess I’m not looking forward to cleaning up. I’m not sure what else. Perhaps put aside a half hour of reading and some time to play with her with the blocks we have for her. I don’t do that often enough. I really don’t do it at all, play with her blocks with her. I really should. Charles and I both. But I know he is tired from work and wants to relax and do his thing. That’s how I am after work on the weekends lol.

Hey, anyone that is reading this, you got tips for me or ideas that is simple cheap (or free, cause who doesn’t love free) then feel free to share! 😀 I’m a new mom and I’ll take what I can get.

Bedtime Routine

So it’s almost 10 o’clock at night here, I’m sitting in my dark living room after I just put my daughter to sleep. Her sleep routine I’m trying to stick to is that we brush our teeth before we go “night night”. I heard it’s good to have a before bed routine and some parents read bedtime stories to their young children, some say prayers, and others may not even have a routine for their toddler but ours is to brush our teeth. I figure it’s a good habit to get into. My boyfriend (her father) said I should start getting her to brush her teeth now, because it is a good habit even though he doesn’t always stick to it – neither do I but I do it more often.

The first time I actually brought her into the bathroom to brush her teeth, I had sat her on the bathroom counter by the sink so it’d be easier to watch her and she wouldn’t be tempted to wonder off. She really likes her toothbrush, probably because it’s very chewable and she is also teething now so… yeah. It’s one of those toothbrushes that are really gummy like with soft bristles (more like small bumps) on both sides and the toothpaste is a non-fluoride one that tastes like something sweet that I can’t remember. Anyway, the first time we brushed our teeth and I was repeating in a sing-song voice “brush brush brush brush brush brush our teeth” but with more pauses between the brush part. It doesn’t sound as tiring as it looks, I think. She was enjoying it. She tried to make the same motions as me and would occasionally just suck and chew on it. Hey, she was trying. But, when it came to put the toothbrush away you could say she was… more than reluctant to do so, so to get her distracted from losing the toothbrush, I held her up and looked at the mirror and pointed to my teeth and said “clean teeth, you have clean teeth”. She smiled, pointed to her teeth. Ever since, that’s how the teeth brushing goes. It still works to distract her from wanting the toothbrush back, thankfully.

Putting her to bed, though, that’s a different story. I say it’s night-night time and turn off the light (sometimes turning on her butterfly that is a night light basically [that her aunt Hannah, my dad’s kid who is now 4 years old, got for her her first christmas]) and turn on her pink dog. So, all the grandparents know the pink dog is nice to have when trying to put her to sleep. She’s had it since her first Christmas. Her uncle Matthew (my dad’s kid, about 8 years old now I think) got it for her. We actually got her the blue dog version for her on her first Christmas too but since the dog was pink and she was a girl…. Yeah, I know. That’s stereotyping genders, but that has been her dog that helps her go to sleep. I’m sure if we used the blue dog (which is now in my mom’s possession because she wanted the dog at her house so she didn’t have to ask for the pink dog) she would go to sleep with it. There’s not much difference between the two besides the different colors and the slight difference in the voice when it talks (but not when it sings). Back to the bedtime routine…

I put her in her bed (which is a pack-n-play) and sit on this orange tiger stool (it has the colors, a tail and the feet are, well, feet of a tiger) next to her and stay there till she falls asleep. Sometimes I’ll pat her butt (like I use to do to her when she was a baby baby) and others I just sit there and watch her. This can take up to an hour. It can be tiring, especially if I am really tired myself. I would like to break her of the habit of having me there until she falls asleep but I’m not sure how. I could just say my good nights and put her in bed, stay a little, then walk out but then she’ll cry and I’ll feel really bad. I have a feeling my boyfriend would be OK with that, because in the end she’ll get use to it but I don’t want to hear her cry for long periods of time because she’s use to me being there. So, yeah, thats the routine of the night. Although sometimes she does fall asleep in the living room with me. I usually just have to gently put her in her bed, make sure she doesn’t wake up, and walk out.

When she gets older, I’m sure the routine will change a bit. Maybe there’ll be story time before then or maybe her dad will want to start praying… I’m not sure, but we’ll see when we get there. I just know I’m doing something partly right for having some kind of routine, even if it isn’t followed a 100% or there isn’t a set time for it. Routines are good, even if it’s not a perfect set one.