The Little Being and The Protector’s Journey

Once upon a time there was a little being who was smaller than a finger that changed everything. It was too soon to tell just how everything would turn out. The little being was in secret for a while growing a little bit bigger each day until one day a test was given and the surprise was revealed!

Oh, the protector of it was definitely surprised. There was no doubt. Well, actually there was doubt. The protector was still too young, not enough experience and so many things yet not done! She wasn’t sure she wanted the responsibility. Could she be enough for this little being? How would she measure up? So many fears, she was so close to not being the protector. To extinguish this life that had chosen her.

Lying on a medical chair, the ultrasound wand moving around, she saw it for the first time. There it was, so tiny it was amazing the being could cause her to feel so sick at times and create many emotions. Then came the sound of life, so fast but it proved the being was alive. Her own life beat skipped and she knew in that very moment that she could not, would not give up the little being. It was now unthinkable. Unimaginable. Impossible.

Then came the responsibilities of being the protector. She wanted to be the best. She cut out most junk food and drinks. Her and her partner that would be the other protector prepared for the little beings arrival. It wasn’t for a while till the being would but that was perfect. There was many things to be done.

Over time new goals were set. New things were done. Instead of there being so many things that were not done, there were so many things yet to be done! The first feeding, first hug or kiss and even before that the first ever gender revealing for the protector of a little being! Excitement was there but anxiety still hovered in the back.

Between the heart burn and a ridiculously sensitive gag reflex the little being flourished. The little being grew until the protector looked like she hid a balloon underneath her shirt. It grew until bending down was near impossible and the protector just wanted to pop! Yet throughout all of this, the little flutters that grew into jabs and rolls are what she always, ALWAYS looked forward to. She already fell in love with the little being.

Then the time came. The doctor set a time to help the little being to come without waiting for the pain and last minute counting between waves. It was almost too late, where it was more morning than night. But a bag was already prepped for just this occasion. Off the protectors went to the hospital.

There were greetings from their own protectors and a little waiting till it was time to sign in. The protector, with the little being inside, hands shook from being nervous. She felt a little sick. This was really happening. Soon she would be aching for hours then the little being she treasured would finally be able to be touched and kissed and cuddled.

The two protectors were led to a room, given the low down what was to happen and how. A medicine was inserted into her and now it was the waiting game. It took hours into the water bag was popped then even more hours until she gave in and asked for pain relief. You guessed it, even more hours until a nurse came in and said it was time to push.

And push she did! Despite her fear of losing bowel movements and of bunches appearing down below, she pushed with all she could with her partner right by her side entire time, their protectors outside waiting for the news of the arrival of the little being. The doctor came in, mentioned the crowning and said to push even more. How was that possible? The protector thought but did it. Despite the pain relief, it still hurt. Suddenly, there was a tugging then relief. The little being was out!

Still a second thing had to come out. It wasn’t as big, but the doctor wanted to sew before it came out. Felt so uncomfortable, not painful just uncomfortable. She needed it out. Finally it came out but something was wrong. The doctor started to do something that made her hurt like none other. A pain never, ever felt before. One that made the protector sink her nails into her partner’s hand, leaving moon sized marks

The doctor was scooping out red liquid. The pain was unbelievable. They tried to sooth her with the little being, a beautiful and white but surprisingly heavy girl on her chest but she just couldn’t pay enough attention to hold her as she had wished. Another nurse stated she was going to inject the protector with a clotting medicine. Losing too much precious life liquid. The protector started to beg them to stop. She couldn’t stand it any longer. Just stop! It hurt too much! Stop!

Then it stopped. The doctor said he still needed to stitch. The protector just nodded. She realized she was shaking and couldn’t stop. The doctor finished and left. The nurse asked if she wanted the protectors outside to come in and she could only nod. The nursed hoped that it would calm her down.

In the protectors came, most went to check on the little girl but one came over. She still couldn’t stop, even though she tried. The protector on the medical bed broke into tears. Her father protector tried calming her then her mother protector came next. Soon the protector calmed in the presence of her own protectors. Ice chips were given to her. She took her little girl in her arms eventually, when she wasn’t constantly dizzy from blood lost and her baby wasn’t under a sun light.

Once upon a time a little being changed everything and now she is the world to her protectors.


Very Simple No-Sew Doll Diapers

My daughter loves to put diapers on her baby dolls but the only thing is that the diapers that we bought for her to do so is losing their stickiness on the tabs. So, I have searched Pinterest for a super easy tutorial on how to make diapers for dolls and this is my tutorial on how to make them.

I do not take credit for this design and the original is here. I found her tutorial a little confusing at first which lead me to make my own that would helpfully be easier to follow for others.


First step is to find/buy some felt. I had some laying around, it’s really old and had fuzzies all over but I made it work. It was actually a cloth that was used to keep some kitchen utensils I sold at my first job as a teenager from poking about. I kept the cloth, believing one day I would use it for something, and I was right! 🙂

Second step is to fold it in half or like a hot dog as my elementary teacher would say. You guessed it, folding it the other way is hamburger.


Third step: check the size against the doll. I do this by seeing how far the felt would go up when I wrapped it around the baby. I saw mine went up a little too high and trimmed a little off till I felt it was the right size. If you want your diaper to fit an assortment of sizes, it’s best to make it bigger than smaller.


Fourth step is to shape it. I used a bowl and marked it with a marker to make a curved line to cut. It’s not exact measurements. After I cut along the line I made I put the baby doll inside and wrapped it around like a diaper and cut accordingly. I felt the front tabs were too long so I trimmed those and the back tabs a bit. As I mentioned earlier, if you want it to fit more than just that doll you should make it a little bigger than smaller. I just went for the exact fit rather than bigger.



Last step is to place the velcro on the tabs. You can’t see the velcro that well but I had a roll of each, the sticky part and the non-sticky part. I simply measured the length of what I wanted for each, cut it, and then stuck it on. I had adhesive velcro but if you don’t have that adhesive, you can just sew it on.

The baby on the left was the first attempt and the one on the right is my second. I didn’t think to take pictures of the steps till I was doing my second attempt. To be honest, the first attempt looks better. I believe I cut the tabs a little too small for the second one but that’s what happens when you start to experiment.

I hope you enjoyed the tutorial and it was easy to follow. I’m sorry the pictures are not top quality. I plan on making more tutorials on different things in the future, not sure what yet but that’s the fun of it. 🙂

Easy Peasy Shredded Chicken Tacos

I’ve been making these for a while now when I realized I could make it the shredded chicken in a crockpot. You see, I’m always trying to find the easiest and simplest way to make meals. I’m lazy, what can I say. So, let’s begin…

First, the shredded chicken. I like to thaw mine first and have yet to try them frozen, but it can be done of course. Place the chicken in the crockpot and fill it up with water until it’s a little over the chicken then cook on high for four hours. If your chicken isn’t thawed all the way, it may take a little longer.


After chicken is done cooking.

After done cooking, drain the extra water and you can either shred in pot or take it out and shred.


After chicken is done cooking.

I like to shred them with two forks, but however you would like to shred them.


After chicken is done being shredded.

Time for the guacamole! I don’t really like store bought kind, it never tastes right to me so I would always rather make it myself. My stepmom had taught me how to make it but I ended up putting a little twist on it. I don’t have any exact measurements, to be honest. I do it by taste.

You take however many avocados you want to use, I used three in this particular picture. Cut them in half, not cutting the seed. Using a spoon I scrape out the meat and put it into a bowl. I cut it into small chunks first in the bowl and use a cup (yep, a cup) with a completely flat bottom to mash it. You can use whatever you want to make it smooth. Once done, I added two limes and some garlic salt. You read that right, instead of regular salt I add garlic salt. At this point, I’m adding the ingredients bit by bit and tasting it as I go to see if it needs more. If you want, you can add onions and cilantro. We don’t like onions in this house and I forgot the cilantro.


I don’t have a picture of the finished product for the guacamole unforunately, but turned out pretty yummy.

After all that, I put some tortillas on the stove (got a special pan just for that) to heat up and then added the ingredients together. We used store bought sour cream, salsa, and shredded cheese. Loved the way it tasted! One of my fiance’s favorite meals. Our daughter doesn’t seem too interested in it though. She is still getting use to things in a tortilla cause she is iffy on burritos too. =P


All done!


Thanks for stopping on by! Hoped you enjoyed this recipe. Here is a link to the recipe I originally used that taught me how to shred the chicken in a crockpot.

How To Keep Blogging…?

I made this blog because, at the time, it seemed so easy and fun. A blog about being a mom and finding myself? How easy is this going to be! I got loads to say…


Sure, I do have lots to say but how to say it? I don’t want to bore anyone. I tend to write more than I should (my opinion). What exactly should I write about? Every day is the same and there is small things that are not the same. I usually post those small things on Facebook. Share a memory or a little accomplishment.

So, a quick turn of topic, I love Pinterest (this is going to tie in, promise). I’m on it a lot, pinning and searching. It’s my search engine now. I want to cook something but need to know how? Pinterest! I want to do a new activity that is creative and fun with my little girl? Pinterest! I’m bored? Pinterest! You get the point. I was on it one day and saw a writing prompt. It was interesting. I use to write a lot when I was younger. I had an idea! Writing prompts for blogging! Very interesting.

In short, I am thinking about using these prompts to help me blog. I really want to continue blogging, even if it is just once a month. I want to keep this active. Now, I just need the encouragement to post more and some support! Sounds odd, I need support to blog but it is true. I confess. But, some time I will do another post from a prompt.

So, whoever happens on this, let’s get started…

Growing Up So Fast!

Neveah is growing up so fast it seems. If she wasn’t growing up, though, that’d be a cause for alert. I did this thing where I tell her to listen, putting my fingers behind my ear. She does that sometimes now. It’s so cute! She also says goodnight pretty clearly. She is saying sentences already. Oh, get this, she learned how to open doors. I’m pretty sure she figured out how to get out of her play pin that is her bed. I say this because I put her in her bed once because she was misbehaving and next thing you know I heard a sound and glance over and see her. She’s just smiling wide, being as cute as can be and here I am wondering… how? She has not done it since though.

I’ve got this idea, taking the beans (dry beans) that we never use and using them. I mean, put them in this bucket thing we got and let her use her shovel and scoop them into the smaller bucket. Sounds like fun, well for her. I’m not sure how exactly to make that more educational… I’m sure there’s a way but I’m just not coming up with something. Any ideas folks?

I’m still trying to potty train her. She doesn’t always like to come to the bathroom and sit on her toilet. She’ll ‘like’ doing it if she has something to distract her like her tablet. She has yet to go pee or poop into it. I’m still waiting for that shining moment. I feel like I should just move onto underwear already. I just see many messes coming from that… omg. I just want to wait till she DOES goes pee or poop into it so I can be like all excited and reward her with this chart thing I have and stickers and maybe she’ll be more… willing to sit on it.

We still got a bedtime routine going. It’ll be time for bed, it either goes with telling daddy goodnight, brush teeth, change into ‘nighty night’ diaper and then lay down or she tells her daddy goodnight after she brushes her teeth. It’s to the point where I’ll say night night time, she’ll go to the bathroom knowing what to do next. Course, sometimes she’ll hear me say that and go over to her dad, kind of hang around him pretending to say goodnight when she really doesn’t want to go to sleep.

Ah. Children.

It’s all about patience and being willing to spend your time and effort into educational stuff and not just let them be entertained by television. To play with them and give them what they need but not what they always want.

Raising a Child Isn’t Suppose to Be Easy

My daughter is going to be two in October. My son would have been one in December. I don’t know if we’ll do anything for his birthday. I mean, shouldn’t we? But what? He is gone from this Earth. It hurts to say. It feels harsh to say it like that but it is true. I’m not sure what we would do. For our daughter, we’ll do a birthday as usual. Not sure where but we already bought her birthday gifts.

I was, well both Charles and I were hoping that our daughter would be potty trained by two years old. She is not. She knows to sit on the toilet when we go to the bathroom, to wipe, and throw it into the toilet and flush. She hasn’t yet actually sat on the toilet and went pee or poop. I think this is my fault that she is not potty trained yet. I only take her to the bathroom when I need to pee or when she needs to be changed. In reality, it probably should be more often. Maybe every two hours. I was going to do that but I forget throughout the day. I guess I should set alarms for such a thing.

Raising a child is no easy task.

I read an article online talking that if you do something for your child because it is more easy than letting them do it causes more harm than good. For example, instead of waiting for your child to clean up their mess you do it for them. That’s a no-no. Makes sense. If she makes a mess, it sits there till I clean it up when she’s fast asleep in bed. I’m trying not to do that anymore. When it’s time for bed, I get her to clean up her mess with a little song of let’s clean, time to clean… or something. I’ll remember the song when it’s time to actually clean up. My teacher for motherhood classes actually sung that when it was time to leave and Neveah had to clean up the toys she was playing with. It worked, so I started doing it.

I remind myself that being a parent, raising a child is not meant to be easy. It can be hard, sometimes heartbreaking, but certainly rewarding. That’s why I would read books to her even before she could sit up because I read that it would help with development. I still read books to hear. She’ll bring a book up to me to read and I’ll read it, but sometimes I don’t get through it because she gets distracted and wanders off. But, that’s what kids do. They get distracted easily and sometimes you gotta do things in doses.

I’m still adjusting to having a child, I’ll admit. We listen to a lot of music on youtube (yay smartTV) and when I have to clean or want a little time for myself without her constantly wanting me to set her on my lap I put on some kid-friendly learning videos on youtube. I know, I know tv time isn’t the best. We dance too, lol. We also go into her room and play. She likes to put me to ‘night night’. It’s amazing how much she soaks up. When I put her to bed, I lay her in her bed and when she tries to get and play I gently push her back down and tell her it’s time to go night night. She does the same to me when I try to sit up. She tells me ‘night night!’ and tries to push my head down to the ground or pillow. Yesterday, she tried to actually pick me up by putting her little hand underneath my leg and my back. Didn’t work of course, but I was delightfully surprised – I guess you could say.

I gotta work on disciplining her. I see a pattern of her not listening to me and I don’t like it. You see, I let things slip and only raise my voice after I’ve said something a few times. Sometimes she’ll listen to me, sometimes she’ll ignore me until I’m walking over there and dragging her away from whatever she was doing wrong. I just don’t like to hear her high pitched crying (but what parent does?) so I try to avoid making that happen (sometimes without even thinking). But I need to her to listen to me, not only because it’ll keep me losing my temper but also cause if we’re somewhere where she could get hurt (like by a busy road in a park) I need to her to listen to me. There are other reasons of course, but you know those.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing my best as a mother, but I’m sure a lot of others feel the same way. Sometimes I just don’t want to do anything so we don’t really do anything. I get tired, despite being a stay-at-home mom. But, I try to interact with her and teach her. I’m still adjusting, I suppose. But raising a child isn’t suppose to be easy. If it’s easy, I think you might be doing something wrong. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is easy, for those few minutes, but most of the time you gotta, you know, try at it.

I’m still trying and I will always be trying and bettering myself as a parent. I’m not ready for the years to come when she is a pre-teen or even when she’s four years old but I’ll always be trying as a parent. Sometimes all we can say is that we’ll try because we don’t have the experience of being a parent. You know?

The Feeling of Being a Parent

It seems I only find the time to write on here either during work breaks or late at night, when I should be in bed with my boyfriend trying to fall asleep – like now. It’s late at night. I tried doing an entry last weekend, during a work break, but ended up accidently deleting such post and gave up on trying to re-do it lol. But it still published onto my Facebook and showed the first paragraph. So, there, I guess, done. Anyway…

I just put my daughter to sleep. She still ended up crying a little after I left the room. She has been doing that more often. I try to put her to sleep, she looks deep asleep, I leave the room (closing the door quietly) and then I hear her cry. I leave her be for a little to see if she’ll just fall back to asleep, usually she does so after a few minutes or so. Guiltily, I have not been keeping to her routine of getting ready for bed around eight. You see, my boyfriend and I watch these shows together and they keep playing and I forget about the time or say “just one more and I’ll put her to sleep” and one becomes a few. I’ve been trying to get back on track because I realize that a routine for her is a good thing. I just wish I could actually get up earlier, because she seems to get up earlier than I and just sits in her play pen (her bed) and plays with the stuff animals that are there with her. Lucky me. If she just cried, I would be forced to end my in and out sleep. She sometimes can be heard awake six o’clock in the morning. Eep.

So, tonight I sat on that tiger stool I use (as uncomfortable as it can be) with her butterfly night light displaying red stars and the occasionally moon on the ceiling and watched her sleep. I stroked her hair gently and all the love and care I have for her came to me. I’m not sure how to explain it but I am going to try. This feeling of knowing I love her unconditionally and so much that I would sacrifice myself for her in a heartbeat, no questions asked and no regrets at all… it is just a different kind of love than any other. She happens to be my heart, if that makes sense. I would like to think any other parent would understand, lol. It is such a strong emotion when I think about it that it almost made me shed a few tears. I love her so much. You don’t quite understand what it feels like to be a parent, no amount of explaining will do, until you are one. That is the truth, whether a repeated one or not.

Of course, I love my son just as much. I find it hard to explain it. He is not here. People can say he is in my heart or in the Heavens but the thing is that he is not here physically. I cannot hold him or kiss him. I find it hard to say and I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me when I say this but sometimes it hurts to think of how much I love him. I do. I love him so much, just as much as Neveah but unlike Neveah that love and care that I want to give him, show him, I cannot. I can’t hold him anymore and tell him how much I love him and how handsome he is or cuddle him. And it hurts.

Sometimes I’m taken by surprise how much it still hurts to feel the loss of my son. I guess I shouldn’t be. I know it’ll never really go away, the pain of losing him. I know that without Neveah I would be an utter mess. I’m sure of it. I would break down more often and I don’t think I’d be able to understand how to deal with the pain. I’m still not even sure how to deal with it, to be honest. But with Neveah, I feel I have to be strong for her and along with that for my boyfriend.

But to that feeling of being a parent… it is really indescribable. No matter how much I describe it it won’t do the feeling justice. I love my children so much, it’s a feeling in my chest like no other and it puts a smile on my face, also frown marks lol but it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.