Happy Birthday My 5 Yr Old!

Hello world!

So today is my daughter’s 5th birthday! She’s beautiful, sassy, bratty at times, talks back, gets clingy and wants to be with me all the time and doesn’t want me to cook dinner but then screams she’s hungry. She’s my little girl. And she turned five today. Which means next year she’ll be able to officially go to school! I did try to get her in this year, however I missed the opportunity to have her evaluated to see if she’d qualify to go in early since her birthday is in early October. I was disappointed in myself for not being more on the ball about this, but what is done is done.

Lately she’s been… less than obedient and I find myself constantly yelling at her to clean up her things… which is not something I really want to keep repeating. I think part of it is that I am mentally tired somehow. My work is currently taking a bit more out of me than usual and then my daughter is constantly having whining tantrums over the littlest things… like I drink the rest of my drink and she picks up and asks where it went. I tell her I drunk it all… then she starts to cry saying she wanted some, which she didn’t mention beforehand mind you. I consistently tell her to make sure she cleans up her toys after she is done playing with them and she consistently tells me she will… then later on I find the toys abandoned on the floor or table and I am yelling at her to clean them up. It is such a routine I think I’m at my end with how to get her to actually remember to clean up.

Or… or… my “favorite” one is when I tell her to do something and she tells me she doesn’t want to and starts to cry… like clean up her room, brush her teeth, go to bed… you don’t have a choice child. Do as I say. Yes, yes I know not too positive there huh. As I mentioned earlier, I think I’m at my end here… I am unsure how to handle her not listening to me any longer as this is a repeating issue. At this point, I am going to sort out her toys and throw them into storage – mind you I’ve done this a few times in the past and her toys keep piling up due to good meaning family members – including her parents – giving them to her. She loves the toys then they end up in a pile somewhere lost so she stops playing with them.

So… sorting and throwing out (really putting in storage to eventually either sell or give to Goodwill/Savers) her toys that I see she hasn’t even touched will lessen the toys she has to clean up. I don’t even want to think about it though… she admittedly has a large number of toys to where they are in a box in the living room, a big pile in the corner of her bedroom, and all over her playroom. Yes. That’s right. Tons of toys.

Anyway, this turned into a rant. What I really wanted to say was my daughter is five years old! Where has the time gone? She was so little beforehand and now she will be in school this upcoming year! She’s developed her own unique personality and attitude and is still growing yet. Can’t wait to see what else these years will bring.

This year we decided to forgo the actual birthday party and actually just go camping this weekend and fishing. She has been asking for a while to do both of these things but we’ve been busy, didn’t have the money and/or it was just super duper hot outside to even consider this. However, we have booked a site and bought the equipment, so there’s not turning back now! 🙂

Five years later and we have a beautiful family with wonderful love, some stress and troubles but we never have given up or lost hope. I love you my crazy, lazy, happy, silly, adorable, hyper little girl! ❤

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My Toddler is a Teenager

Been a while since I’ve wrote about parenting or crafting or anything for that matter besides the two poems recently posted.

Life.

It’s been well to me. My daughter is almost five (next month she will be) and she’s not quite unruly but she talks back a lot – as a child does I guess. She likes to believe she has the right to tell me what to do – such as yelling at me to turn down the music. Uh, excuse me little girl? Who is the parent here? Me. I am. Thanks.

She also whines a lot… about everything… as if she has her period but with none of the symptoms but that. Is all toddlers this way? Sure, I was around when my younger siblings were toddlers however I was not the parent so I didn’t really experience first hand that kind of behavior. I feel like all toddlers, or most, are of this nature. They just have a hard time of controlling how they feel and do not know how to handle and process the negative feelings such as anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration. Some adults still can’t do that.

Today, we were in the car with me driving us home and she wanted to let me listen to some songs on her tablet. It was some songs that we’ve listened to before… can’t say they were exactly approved to be viewed by toddlers however they were not horrible. You can’t hide everything from them you know. There were some songs by Melanie Martinez because I play them on my Pandora in the car. Uh, have you seen those videos by the way? Eek.

Anyway, so we did that and then her video paused – assuming it was having a hard time keeping up with the network at the time – and I played my Pandora with Dollhouse by her on it. I asked her if she recognized the song, the same thing she was asking me, and she responded yes. I didn’t stop the song and she asked me to stop it after a little bit, I was driving so I was distracted and it didn’t click then she screamed and started crying like I told her we were going to sell her tablet.

Like… jeez girl, calm down there. I informed her to keep calm, use her words, I was driving so I was distracted so she had to wait next time instead of screaming or asking me calmly and ask me again.

Can’t wait for teenage years (/sarcasm). Though, I guess at least she can buckle her own seat belt and use her words better. I remember when I was a teenager and I was hormonal, no doubt, and didn’t speak out my emotions or thoughts to my parents so it just kinda of built. I am really hoping to try to get her not to do that, however sometimes life is thrown at you and you become a screaming, frustrated, let-me-sit-down! kind of mom instead of the breathe, talk normal, explanations to the child kind.

Truth.

Still learning, as we always are through this life.

Here I Am, Poem

Here I am, waiting and patient

Here I am, getting walked over

Here I am, smiling

Eyes torn

Heart trembling

Hands shaking

Come out

I’ll whisper to my courage

Fill up

I’ll plead to my tolerance

Here I am, a fool

Here I am, a coward

Here I am, a wallflower

Shadowed in the back

Shrinking down

Nodding politely

Float away

I’ll beg my shyness

Step up

I’ll weep to my bravery

Here I am

Falling short

Watching everyone

I’m taking orders like a champ

No loud complaints

I must be pathetic

I’ll softly say to myself

Poem to My Forever

You capture my gaze and I take a small breath, my eyes searching yours, and I get lost.

Things fade and it is just you and I.

You’ve made me this strong person…

You tell me I’m sexy

When I’m feeling unattractive

You give me courage that I may never have had before

There you are my reasoning when I’m flinging rationaity aside

Here we are together and whenever I think of how I feel it’s indescribale.

It’s like my heart is soaring.

My heart lifts,

a light spreads through my body.

You’ve made me so happy,

sometimes I feel like I will burst joyfully.

 

Sometimes when I think of how happy you make me…

My eyes feels with tears,

I’m filled with this amazing feeling

and I just cannot stop smiling

for you are mine.

 

I have choosen you as my forever.

I’ll never let you go.

In another liftetime

My soul would search for you

choose you all over again

In a thousand worlds

You’d be my becaon to home

I love you

Everything about you

Your stubbornness

Your goofiness

The way you pull me close

kiss my forehead

hold me just because

The way your eyes light up with excitment

when you speak of something of interest to you

I am all in

Everything of me belongs to you

and you complete me

You have the key,

the door,

my whole heart

You have my body

my soul resonates with yours

I love you Charles  and I want to be with you for the rest of my life and beyond that.

If I Had Son Before Daughter

If I didn’t have my daughter before my son…

I would like to say I would have pulled through.

I would like to say my world wouldn’t have stopped completely and utterly.

I would like to say I would have been strong as I was with my daughter.

I would like to say all of these things and mean it.

… but the hard truth is that I know I wouldn’t.

The fact of the matter is that having my daughter made me be strong, I wouldn’t be strong enough by myself. Having a child depend on you, a little human being that looked to you for comfort and out of need puts your head in the place that you can’t just fall apart. At least for me. I know for some people, it may be different. Those that throw themselves down in anguish, forgetting there’s a child looking at you as you scream and beg in front of them to someone, anyone.

This is how I feel when I think of my son, dead, gone as my creative side let’s go…

My chest tightens, my shoulders go back then shrink together, my head falls a bit and my heart beats faster. My physical heart is fine. My mental heart is struggling, most of the time it is fine, beating, occasionally cursing but thinking of my son dead… it stutters, it shows those tatters and stitches that try to keep it in. It shows bruises and a piece inside that is open and barely visible.

Not having my daughter before my son passed away, my heart would be worse. I would be worse. I’m honestly not sure if I could survive that kind of pain that pierced me, if my relationships could have.

I might not have still been here if it wasn’t for my daughter.

And that’s the hard truth.

I once had a past boyfriend break my heart so completely that I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart seemed to beat faster than my breath could keep up. I thought I might suffocate because I couldn’t stop crying enough to catch my breath and I almost didn’t care if I did.

That pain I felt, sharp like a needle in my heart, was nothing compared to losing my son. No, I didn’t almost suffocate. No, I wasn’t on the ground crying and begging for this pain to be gone, but I did feel like a piece of me stopped working. A part of my being, my heart, my soul just vanished as soon as my boy took his last  breath. This pain, no matter how long time passed, wouldn’t go away.

It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

Without my daughter, that pain would have been 10 times worse because I would have become numb and eventually wouldn’t want to feel anything. Wouldn’t care what happened to me, with such a big hole in my heart gone. I wouldn’t know how to move on.

I know this all sounds so dramatic, it’s a “what if” scenario. I don’t know for sure any of this. If I would have been so in despair that I wouldn’t care if I, myself, passed away. I don’t know. What I do know is this: my daughter kept me strong, kept me going, kept me from falling to pieces, my heart stitched together.

I know this was not a happy, positive, we got this post. I wanted to write a story but this came out instead.

Know this though, if you have lost a child or someone close to you, regardless if that is your only child or person, you don’t have to go through it alone. Turn to someone, your partner or parents or friends, anyone. Do not let this depression take you over, drag you down into the depths of darkness where you can’t move. I had lots of support, it’s just my daughter made me stay together the most, there were others.

Who needs you in your life?

Someone does. Everyone has someone, even if you’re sure you don’t, you do. Even if it’s just your pet. Someone does.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

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My little family. ❤

Thank you for keeping through that if you did. Don’t worry, there will be more happy, postivie, DIY, about life posts soon enough! 😀

Crafting Mode: On and Steady

Hello there WordPressers and guests alike! 🙂 Today I’m going to be sharing some crafts I have done. If you want tutorials for any just ask (just keep in mind I’d have to make the same craft again lol). So lets get started!

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These two things! Felt animals. Top one is Pac Man and a Ghost (made for our roommate) and the below is a keychain Dophline made for my step mom for her birthday in Feburary. 🙂

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Next is this cardboard/popsicle house! 🙂 Made furniture to go with it for my sugarpie including a TV that is above the swing lol.

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Up next, this dress made with my new sewing machine. 🙂

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Right here is a fairy house 🙂 I’m still working on more fairy stuff but this house is finished for now 🙂

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This popsicle shelf! Painted black 🙂

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Most recently is this Pompom bunny I was trying out for upcoming Easter baskets 🙂

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And lastly (actually did this one on Wednesday) a swing! With a lot to be desired lol.

So that’s the crafts you missed and now you know! 🙂 Tell me what you think, what was your favorite. 🙂

 

P.S. I’ll add links to which page inspired me on these crafts. A lot of them have multiple inspirations but I’ll put one that really made impact. 🙂

Thanks for reading! 🙂 Have a great day.

Making a Unicorn Bag

It has been a while since I have posted anything like a tutorial. This post will be about how I made my daughter a unicorn bag. I did forget to take pictures at some steps but hopefully you’ll enjoy this post nonetheless. 🙂

 

Step 1: trace/draw the shape you would want your bag/purse to be.

I like to add what else I would like the bag to look like so I get an idea what I’m going to be doing and will cut out the shapes to be placed on the bag. Excuse the orange marker, daughter got a hold of it, thought would color it for me lol.

 

Step 2: cut out the shapes with desired fabric – I used felt.

I cut out two of the same shapes so I can cover up the string work of the ears and horn. I put hot glue and threw glitter on the horn. Also planned on making sides, so cut out the bottom and sides.

 

Step 3: sew on all the designs (check put step 4 for picture of the designs sewn on).

I cut out all the shapes for the eyes and hot glued on the middle to stay in place. Afterwards, sewed them all on. I used string for the hair and hot glued it to the backside to keep it in place. Pipe cleaners were used for my daughter’s name.

 

Step 4: sew onto another piece of fabric to cover up string work on the inside.

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Step 5: sew together the sides so it becomes a bag.

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You want to go over the bag make sure you didn’t miss any big gaps (I noticed one big gap that I had to resew). I used a blanket stitch as I was sewing together the sides. I also braided together three ribbons to make the strap for the bag and hot glued on the inside then sewed.

 

Step 6: give it to the desired person or if it’s for you show it off! 🙂

As you can see I did not stick to my exact design I drawn. Sometimes as I’m going along I’ll decide I want something different such as the heart pocket instead of the rectangle in the back. I made it big enough to fit her tablet, which she was really excited about that and the pocket in the back – in which she put one of her small play-doh containers. 🙂 I also used some velcro strips to help keep the bag closed for her.

 

I apologize I didn’t remember to take pictures of every step, such as sewing together the ears and stuffing the horn but tell me what you think! 🙂

 

*this bag was inspired by a Pinterest post.